Just Sharing My Thoughts....

Today I had a lot of thoughts about my future. It was kind of an emotional day until I remembered a quote from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. Frances, the main character, is struggling about her life and future and her friend, Martini says...

"Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come."

As of now, I'm not 100% sure my "train" will come, but I will keep building my life as if it will....

love actually is all around

I taped the movie Love Actually from TV last year and have been watching this opening over and over. It is my favorite. I hope you are feeling the love of the season all around.

Christmas Miracle!!

Last Friday my principal came to me after school to tell me she spoke with the school district and that they made a contract for me. Since I am staying longer than 60 days, they were able to hire me as an official NSD teacher until March 21st! The contract is retroactive so I get back pay from November 5th!!

Living off of a substitutes salary has been ridiculously hard, especially not getting paid for any holidays, snow days, half days, etc. Knowing that I will now be paid for all of Winter Break makes me want to jump for joy. I also get retirement and benefits!! I don't have to keep paying an arm and a leg for my prescriptions! This is the biggest blessing in my life right now and I am so grateful where my life has been led. I've had to make some tough decisions lately and it just feels so wonderful to be blessed for my hard work.

My principal says that this is a huge foot in the door since I am an official employee now! Not just a substitute! She sent me an e-mail the other day saying she owed me big time for staying and she will do everything in her power to get me a job next year. I cannot tell you how nice that was to hear! Whether I am here next year or have a different adventure being prepared for me, I am grateful for the life I am living today.

To update everyone on my decision of moving to Utah....the job position changed from what I had originally thought. The job was broken up into two positions with a lower salary. Honestly, I would have loved to do the job before it was split into two positions. It sounded like a fun challenge that was right down my alley. I considered taking the newly offered receptionist job, just to change things up, but after a lot of thinking and praying, I decided to stay here for now. Who know what the future holds. Maybe in a few months something perfect will come along with a higher salary and I will be more open to the thought of big change. Until then, I'm enjoying today.

It's Not Personal, It's Business.....

You will need to read the previous post to know what I'm about to talk about....

A few days after talking with my uncle about working for him, I found out that the teacher I am working for will not be returning on January 15th like I thought since she is still in Guatemala working out adoption issues with her son. She was supposed to be home by Thanksgiving but has run into several set backs. This was tough news to hear as my uncle had just e-mailed me asking when I could fly down to Utah for an interview. He had worked it out so I could start working after January 15th if I was a good fit for the company. After talking to my family I knew this was a great opportunity and felt bad that the situation I was in with the Kindergarten job getting extended. This changed everything.

After hearing so many times from people to do what is best for me in my life, I e-mailed my principal letting her know of the situation and that I may need to leave in January. I knew if this happened, the class would get their 4th teacher for the year and have to start all over again. I didn't like sending this off, but knew I had to be open with her. In my gut, I knew I couldn't leave the kids after everything they have been through but it was so hard knowing I could be passing up a good opportunity. Talk about stress and so many questions I wanted someone to answer for me.

Talking with people over my dilemma, I was quoted the line from The Godfather..."It's not personal, it's business." I was given the advice many times from many people to think about my future and what is best for me. I completely understood every one's logic and genuine concern for me. This was hard to hear because I want to look after myself but there is something in me that cannot leave people in a hard position. Knowing that these children, parents, faculty, principals, etc. would have to go through yet another teacher in 4 months if I left was too much for me to bare. I made the decision to stay. And since that decision I have felt peace. I let my uncle know about the extended commitment I made and that I understood if he needed to find someone else since I was unavailable in January. That was hard to say because I didn't know what I could be giving up for myself, but I know I will be blessed because I feel like I made the right decision for the lives of these children.

After hearing the above quote, I immediately thought of the movie, You've Got Mail. Throughout the movie, The Godfather is quoted and talked about many times. There is a part when Joe Fox talks about making Kathleen Kelly's book store go out of business.....

Joe Fox: It wasn't... personal.
Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.
Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.

Whatever happens in my near future, I know that I will be guided where I need to be. I am still waiting to hear back from my uncle. There is a slight chance things could still work out. He had someone covering the position who is pregnant. Amazingly enough, she is about 5 months pregnant and would have her baby around the time I will be finishing up my job in Kindergarten. I know she wasn't planning on covering until then, but I know if it is supposed to be the right thing, it will all work out.

I'll leave you with one last quote from You've Got Mail that shares my feelings. Thanks for listening.

Kathleen Kelly: Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

Time for a Change?

Yet again, my life has taken a turn full of changes and decision making. I should just get used to it, but lately things have been coming out of nowhere and catching me off guard. I got a call from my father last Thursday night (11/29) letting me know that my uncle is looking for an executive assistant/office manager for his investment business and he thought of me. My uncle is an unbelievable man who helps many people and I have always been interested in working with him. Last year, during one of my grandparents funerals and around the time when things weren't feeling right at Evergreen, I asked him casually if he was looking for a personal assistant which he didn't need at the time. He must have remembered me asking a year ago and I felt honored he thought about me for the position. The main setback for me making a decision (besides stopping teaching) was that his office is in Utah. I would not only be making a change in careers, but a change in my entire life. My housing, friends, location, culture, weather, grocery stores, favorite restaurants, family.....so much to think about.

At first, I was completely opposed to moving and changing my life so drastically. But the more I have been thinking about the opportunity and my future, I have begun to think this could be what I need in my life. I love teaching but I don't want to teach forever. I want to be the room mom who volunteers and plans parties for my kids. I want to be on the other end of the parent teacher conferences and be a supportive parent. I want to go buy a Christmas tree with my husband and children and make family traditions and memories. I want to bake cookies with my kids, teach them how to be good in a world that has so much bad all around it, raise them with love, faith and kindness. That is what I want in this life. More than anything else. It's what I have always wanted. Recently, I have had to stop and look at my life. Am I on a path that will lead me towards this?

I've had to look at my career life....I am working hard to get into the Northshore School District, which has been a dream of mine since 2nd grade. I have worked so hard to get my name out there and now principals are noticing me, appreciating me and fighting to get me a job next year as they are doing everything they can to get me as much work as they can this year. I have been grateful for this. Career wise, I am on the right path. But there are still uncertainties. Last year, they hired only 5 teachers in the whole district. This year there are budget cuts. What if they close a school? What if they can't hire teachers? I cannot work three jobs again next year. What if I am single a lot longer? Will teaching be the best for me financially? I will have to go back to school very soon to get my professional certificate which means taking more loans out.

I've had to look at my personal life....I have not gone on a date in who knows how long. (Well, I know, but I don't want to disclose that information right now) I made a move almost two years ago to have a better opportunity to meet people through church. So far, there has been nobody I have been interested in. I can't help but think I do need a big change in my life to get things going.

I remember in one of my previous posts I said I felt like I was being prepared for something big in my life. I didn't know what it was but I knew something was going to happen. I have been praying constantly these past couple of weeks to know what I am supposed to do with my life. This is a big decision and I need to really know which decision will help me with receiving the desires of my heart.

Slice the Bird!

Here's our version of our favorite Cosby Show Thanksgiving moment. It's been awhile since we've practiced so bare with us!

Our Turkey Day!

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Here's a little look at our day. It was good to have Justin home!! The girls had a good time in the kitchen, the boys bonded over football and we all came together to have a great dinner. (I do have to say the boys helped a little and they did do the dishes which was very helpful!)

The master baster!

Homemade rolls to die for. We have rolls shaped into bunnies for Easter and I have always wanted my mom to make these into turkeys. I guess I'll have to figure out how to do that someday.

I may not be able to make turkey rolls, but I can make gumdrop turkeys!

Don't be fooled....Dad did help with the potatoes and carving the turkey, but this time he came up during a commercial to get a drink and pose for a picture.

Justin on the computer during the commercial break.

My patient mom making my dad an Italian soda during his commercial break in the middle of all the cooking. What a nice mom.

Vanessa helps by peeling potatoes.

Here are the boys with their drinks ready to watch football.